I got more fulfillment out of nights spent engrossed in philosophical discussions, having heart-to-hearts with friends, and working on art projects. Let me make it clear that my experience with casual hookups, particularly in college, exists within a set of cultural norms that apply particularly to cisgender men and women hooking up with each other.Because others didn’t take my explanation at face value, I felt like I was making no sense. While queer relationships certainly can involve casual hookups, they don’t necessarily have the same gendered expectations and power dynamics, although they are sometimes imitated and reified in those relationships.
Finally, I consider the emerging, liminal space of the smartphone application Tinder and its gendered relation with hookup culture, in which women gain more control of the hookup space but are subjected to dehumanization and self-objectification. Just look at any women's magazine -- not a dimple in sight! We are also told that no one is going to want to have sex with us, especially someone conventionally attractive.While I’d heard women in high school labelled “sluts” for having casual sex, most people in my college had a liberal attitude toward sexual expression and understood the harmful effects of sex-shaming. Afterward, as we talked to his roommate, he got behind me and made a humping motion to show off. The next weekend, I tried to call him, and he told me he’d since gotten a girlfriend.The best way I can describe it is that I wanted something more profound. Going home with someone at the end of the night is a gamble for anyone, especially women and other gender minorities, who are more likely to be sexually assaulted and constantly told to protect themselves from assault.